Intergalactic Website Calls Earth “Bad Place to Raise Family”

The Milky Way, Universe — Intergalactic ranking website,, listed “Earth” as one of the worst places to raise a family, citing lack of global access to clean drinking water, the refusal of wealthy countries to accept refugees escaping war-torn regions, and the comments on Southeast Texas news’ Facebook pages.

The unexpected highlight of the Golden Triangle’s online discourse was a shock to the region. Local representatives have tried proactive methods to counter the bad publicity. Beaumont Mayor Becky Ames has begun starting major speeches with, “It’s a beautiful day on Planet Earth.” The Beaumont CVB has revised their famous I-10 billboard to declare their visitor center the site of “Earth’s cleanest bathrooms.”

But others have reacted in less positive ways. The Examiner changed their downtown billboard to read, “BISD Blamed for Poor Online Etiquette.” The Beaumont Enterprise released a photo gallery of the region’s most offensive comments.

The most perplexing response was that KFDM and Channel 12 News invited locals to give their feedback about the ranking in an online Facebook poll. The result was a display of the region’s most ignorant, racist, sexist, and newfound anti-alien viewpoints, shortly thereafter labeled by as “Exhibit A.”

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