In Polite Company

I want to share things that you don’t say in polite company.

Like, how I recently thought I saw the man who sexually assaulted me, and my first thought was, “Oh god, I hope he doesn’t see how fat I’ve gotten.”

Because this makes me laugh – the way my brain is always ready to self-sabotage. How I’ll waste precious energy calculating exactly how many calories I can eat over budget and still fit into a pair of four-year-old jeans by summer, instead of completing paperwork to save for retirement.

And then I think – what a perfect way to distract women from what matters and keep them reliant on men.

And then, patriarchy Christina retorts, “…said the fat ass.”

And I still think all this is funny.

And therapy, for me, is sharing that My Brain isn’t polite company, and it’s not fair to hide what the world taught it to think.

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