Self-Improvement Day 3: Fears & Something New

Embarking* on Day 3 of the “Live in the Grey” Self-Improvement Challenge**, I ruin the challenges by jumping the gun too soon but (spoiler alert) I redeem myself.

That awkward feeling when you open your e-mail for Day 3’s challenge and you realize you’d accidentally done it the day before. At least I’m good at anticipating challenges?

So, in case you haven’t guessed, or you didn’t read my last blog because why would you***, today’s challenge was to either share my fears or to try something new. Well, it’s like, Thursday, I worked 8 hours away, and then got a migraine, so my something new is kind of a stretch, so I’ll do both a little half-heartedly.

Write down your biggest fears

Yesterday, I focused more on a lot of my fears, so this time I’ll share my biggest fear, at least currently…

I’m afraid I’ve reached my potential, and that I’m never going to have a fulfilling career. Ok. That’s a doozie. I feel right now as if I’m that girl at the party who’s way underdressed and everyone knows it, but no one is saying anything. If you guys need some more visuals, picture me repeatedly slamming my head against the wall before I post this, telling myself that posting this is a big terrible idea. I am also afraid of being real in public, and sharing things on the internet is about as real and public as it gets (at least to me).

Do something for the first time

Well, in the spirit of getting real, and making public mistakes, which are probably less new to me than I’d care to admit, I fought for myself today. It’s simple, and small, but I had an ego-crushing day, with a migraine cherry on top, and I still made sure to write this blog. I kept a promise I made to myself, even a small one, and in doing so, I followed my dream of being a writer. After all, it’s the small things that count, because they hopefully add up to something big. And in spite of my desire to focus on all that’s wrong in my life, I’m doing something optimistic. Even if I don’t feel optimistic right now.

But that’s all I got, folks. I’m sad, and tired, and I’m not gonna drag this blog on further than it needs to go. Have a great night!


View Day 2’s blog: Setting Values

*Why do I keep saying embarking at the beginning of these? Whatever. It’s a pattern now, and I have to live it.

** Don’t forget – take the Self-Improvement Challenge yourself @ Live in the Grey

***My husband says I need to stop being self-deprecating so people will take me seriously, but screw that noise, being proud and confident for once is not my “something for the first time” part of this exercise. Yet.

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